Emergency Maintenance
by Zarius
Summary: Where did all that jam come from? Perhaps Penfold is not as innocent as he let on (tag for 3x02 "Grand Stress Auto")


**DANGER MOUSE:**

 **EMERGENCY MAINTENANCE**

 **(contains spoilers for "Grand Stress Auto")**

 **WRITTEN BY ZARIUS**

* * *

 _Another fine evening in London England._

 _When I say fine, I say that from the confines of my narrator's booth here in Media City, safe inside and out of the blustery weather coming in from one thunderous storm along the coast._

 _Danger Mouse's villains also picked a fine time to try to escape from Arkwright Asylum after they were somewhat helped by a stray rocket courtesy of some unfortunate aiming from Danger Mouse himself. The winds have scooped them right up and thrown them far across the coastline._

 _So with no telling where the villains will end up on my end, we cut to Professor Sqauwkencluck and Penfold at the Mayfair H.Q lab pinpointing their precise locations on the visual maps, with Danger Mouse giving chase in the latest version of his trusty car._

"Are we still going to call this one the Mark IV, or move up to V?" asked Penfold.

"You're worrying a little too much about what the audience might think if they missed an episode aren't you?" said the Professor.

"Not really, I was just remembering how lazy the Danger Agency can get with numerical designations. We're still calling the bathroom in Col. K's office the number two seat" Penfold replied.

"Don't you usually use it for that?" Squawk inquired.

"We've been scared to use it in case it makes that haunting noise again, it makes us so sqeewish we usually end up with the number one priority" Penfold admitted.

"I should never have asked" Squawk said, significantly grossed out.

Still, getting Penfold to open up about a habit seemed the perfect opportunity to confront him on another matter.

"Penfold, why were you so defensive when we accused you of smearing the other vehicles with jam?" asked the Professor.

"I-I'll ha-have you kn-know I was cleared of any wrongdoing, you know th-that" Penfold said, stammering.

"Yes, but if you didn't have something to hide, you could have worded your defence with a bit more confidence" Squawk advised.

"If I were to tell you, It'd just make you laugh" Penfold replied.

"Good, with the amount of chaos you two create, I could do with a chuckle" she said.

"Well, so long as you promise not to tell the chief" said Penfold.

"I won't breath it to a soul even if I have an onion ring and want to make Danger Mouse gag" she said.

Penfold was anxious, but Squawk's assurances made him slightly more comfortable.

"I make a mess of myself all the time with jam. It's one of my favourite lunchtime treats, I can't help but have it every day, it ends up on my shirt, it ends up on my shoes, all at the most inopportune times, so in order to get rid of it I smear it anywhere I can, just in small doses of course, a little smudge on a seat, on a wall etc" Penfold explained.

"Interesting, so the MK 3 actually picked up on your habits and relied on our existing knowledge to pin the blame on you" the Professor concluded.

"You knew it was me?" said Penfold.

"Of course, security cameras exist for a reason. What annoyed me was you never admitted to it, not even when it manifested into a major situation" the Professor explained

"So why didn't you tell me off?" Penfold asked.

"Because I figured if we gave you enough time, you'd admit you were leaving behind a trail that led all the way back to you. Mind you, I was prepared to report your obsession to the Agency's resident psychologist after seeing the chaos left behind. I do wonder where the MK3 got all of that jam too, anything else you'd care to share with me?"

"Well, it kind of all started when the Chief and I saved Mr. Whitaker's jolly jamboree festival from the Baron. He offered me up a lifetime supply of the stuff. It was too large in number for just the Chief and my apartment, so I stashed most of it in here" Penfold said.

Squawk was annoyed at the extent of Penfold's involvement in the MK3's jam smearing campaign, but quietly let the subject rest.

"We'd best get back to work" she said.

"If the Chief finds out about this he'll dispense with me" said Penfold.

"That's why we won't tell him will we?" said Squawk.

Penfold grinned.

When it came to keeping bridges intact, he could always rely on close friends like Squawk for emergency maintenance.


End file.
